~God of Wonder~

God of wonder beyond our galaxies...You are holy...You are all-knowing...You watch me when I sit and stand...when I breathe...when I fall...and if I had not fallen that Tuesday night, May 3, 2011, I would not have known I have a brain tumor...Yes...I have a brain tumor...it is a benign meningioma lodged in the olfactory area behind my nose...

Lord, you know I have always had childlike faith...when the doctor told me the options (monitoring it as long as it doesn't grow, gamma knife, or surgery of cutting into my skull) I felt fearful...this lady of faith...who has no problems praying for others...believing they will be healed...felt fear...I knew it was wrong to have fear...but I felt it rush over me...

Dear Lord, God...I have a brain tumor that has been there for who knows how long...well You know for how long...it bothers my sense of smell...and a few other things...I do praise You that it is benign...and that it has not caused issues with my optics nerves...or anything major...

But, Father, God...I need to remember that I rest in Your hands...I have cried on Your BIG shoulders many times...for my mom who went to be with You when I was 7...for my miscarriages...for my baby Caleb when he was so ill at birth...for my dad who ran into Your open arms months before Jesse was born...for Jesse who almost died when he was 4 and who continues to have struggles and challenges I never dreamed a joy-filled boy of mine would have due to not having all of his corpus callosum...I have cried on You so many times...I can't count them...and You have always been faithful...always felt Your hugs...Your comfort...

So, Jesus...I come to You...I smile as I think of the song..."Lord I give you my heart...I give you my soul...I live for you alone..." So, I give you my brain...where Jesse is missing something in his brain...I have something that isn't supposed to be there...I give you my brain...the tumor is there for a reason...You know what it is...I pray that under Your control...the tumor doesn't cause me any issues and that it doesn't grow...I do trust YOU...You have NEVER failed me...I DO have faith...faith that You will monitor my brain as You see fit...

I love you, Jesus...thank You so much for your friendship and for Your keeping things in control....